Fashion, flirting and fornicating! The three staple things a girl of today’s modern world embodies, right? But does that translate to the women of the 1920’s? You bet-cher Betty Boop it does! At least it does in Sophie Kinsella’s book, Twenties Girl. Sadie is a partying, fashion forward flapper who makes the most out of life but she has a few problems. She’s lost her necklace and, oh yeah, she’s sorta dead!

Sadie was born in the early 1900s and died a drooly old lady in a nursing home when she was a ripe old 105. However, her ghost is in her younger 23-year-old form and she’s haunting her 27-year-old great niece, Lara Leighton who turns out to be a serious mess. She’s just been dumped by the love of her life AND her business partner. She’s broke and going crazy because she thinks her Great Aunt Sadie’s ghost is haunting her. She can hear and see her plain as day going around screaming at strangers to get them to do her bidding… and its working! Of course, Lara is the only person who can see and communicate with Sadie so she badgers Lara into recovering her beautiful dragonfly necklace. Sadie is not all together sure why, but she knows that she cannot rest until its back in her possession. But where could it be? Or should we say “Who lifted it?”

We meet various lively and expertly developed cast members along the way to solving this mystery. A greedy, rich snake of an uncle, a ditzy self-centered flake of a cousin and boring yet bothersome parents are all suspects! Enter the classic preppy business man with penetrating eyes that has caught Sadie’s attention! Hello Daddy-O!! And she wants him. But the only way she can get him is through Lara. “Anyway you can get it” is what I always say! OWW! A reluctant albeit comical romance develops between Lara and this frowny American. Much to Sadie’s shagrin.

Eventually, Sadie and Lara start to unknowingly learn from one another and the impressions that they leave on the other are life (and death from Sadie’s point of view) altering. Lara uncovered the fact that Sadie’s life meant so much more to so many more lives than she could ever imagine. And Sadie helped Lara figure out the difference between going through the motions of a relationship and really living and loving another person by letting go of her inhibitions.

This was a fun and light story that I absolutely loved! The ending was a bit heavier but delivered a sweet and tender message of family and keeping yours close. I’m giving this book 4.5 outta 5 pumps. Minus .5 for the lack of steamy sex! Sheesh, can I catch a break with the no-sex books already??? But I took away a valuable lesson from Twenties Girl. I want to be just like Sadie when I am 105 years old…. minus the drooling of course!

Wisty! Whit! New Order! Magic! Ahhh, Fire! Prison! Dead girlfriend! Escape! Look a puppy! A.D.D. anyone??? I seriously think that James Patterson and/or Gabrielle Charbonnet are card-carrying members of A.D.D. Anonymous because that’s what reading their sorcery-slash-dystopia novel, Witch & Wizard was like with its 300 pages and about 100-ish chapters! In it, a smart aleck-y 15 year old girl, Wisty Allgood, and her older brother, Whit, are fugitives of the New Order, a newly elected but suppressive political regime that is absolutely con-witch/wizardry. This administration completely changes the world while everyone is asleep one night. …seriously…

Wisty and Whit are unaware of their supernatural abilities until the New Order comes to arrest them for it and Wisty burst into flames. Neat trick, huh? They are eventually overcome and thrown into prison where they have time to explore their new abilities. It also becomes evident during this time that the leader of the New Order holds a personal vendetta against the Allgood family as a whole. Despite the efforts of their “Nurse Ratched” type guards, they escape with the help of Whit’s dead girlfriend (yes, I said dead…she’s a ghost). While attempting to find & save their parents, they encounter group of teenage revolutionaries who are surviving in a holocaust type world. They believe the bewitched duo to be mystical entities and also prophets who will use their power to restore harmony and overcome the New Order.

The cast of characters are potentially colorful but are not completely developed. Examples of the more robust players include the evil “The One Who Is The One” that leads the New Order who has a foreboding and all knowing persona. And then there is Byron, a former schoolmate who is eventually turned into a weasel for witnessing the powers of the siblings and threatening to nark them out. There is also Whit’s dead girlfriend’s ghost, Celia, who helps them escape prison where they are made to run through a hallway lined with hell hounds for their supper. Finally! A diet that works!

The super short, 3 – 4 page chapters and constant switching between Wisty’s and Whit’s perspectives depicted blinky-type thoughts that never really amount to anything substantial. It was like watching a hyper 8 year old bounce around Santa’s workshop. The end result is a lack of depth that keeps the reader from creating a clear picture of the settings. This did, however, allow for an action-packed read with few lulls in the storyline.

So, while this was a suspenseful and vigorous tale, my mature hottie side was left completely ignored and I felt like I had whiplash from the rapid fire micro-chapters switching between thoughts at lightning speed. I also feel that the authors were writing to a strictly middle school aged audience. I would seriously doubt that our fantastically sexy fans could be intellectually (or otherwise, OWW) stimulated by this venture! 3 pumps outta 5, says The Vixen That Reviews!

What does the death of a child do to loved ones left behind and what happens to that too young lost soul? The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold provides the Salmon family’s answers to just those questions when their eldest daughter, Susie, 14, is viciously murdered in December of 1973! It’s a tragically sad story that is beautifully written and it really makes readers examine their own moral strength.

The book begins with Sebold’s teenage character narrating the story of her brutal rape and murder by a serial killer neighbor as she takes a shortcut through the cornfield on her way home from school. It’s a brutal scene that was hard to get through but it was never crude. After her death, Susie watches over her grieving loved ones from her perch in heaven; specifically, Susie’s personal heaven. She watches as this vicious crime tears her family apart, brings together her community, and alters her friends’ lives forever. I pitied her father, was confused by her mother, wanted to love her little brother, and identified with her sister. And I, of course, wanted a long and painful public quartering for the murderous bastard that caused all of this. In a perfect world, right?

Sebold’s writing style is light and graceful which is odd when dealing with such a tragic subject. Losing a child is neither light nor graceful. The fact that she wrote this entire story from the murdered 14 year olds perspective as a heavenly soul, gives an air that I can only describe as sweet and content. This calmness sometimes resulted in slight boredom for me. But there was a great suspense-filled incident and then, later, a very tasteful and intimate love scene that reopened my interest when I thought it couldn’t be won over again.

The ending was particularly difficult for me to get through. Not because the writing style was bad or it wasn’t interesting, but because of the sad injustice that it presented me with. I certainly wouldn’t call it a happy ending. I believe the moral to the story was “forgiveness and letting go” but I wanted “substantial and committed justice” and “never letting go”! To be honest I’m crying as I type this so there must be something that really resonated with me. I’ll have to dig deep to figure that one out.

My first hair trigger response was to give this book a big fat 2 because of how affected I was by the ending. But after further reflection I’m giving it 4 outta 5 pumps and here’s why: Sebold is a charming and superb writer. I just realized that I simply disagreed with her view of justice and it made me think about my own sense of morals, which everyone hates doing. I didn’t know what I was in for when I pick this book up but I’m glad I did and I believe I’m better for it.

Who saw the trailer for Cirque du Freak: The Vampires Assistant during last summer’s COMIC-CON? I was so impressed with the cast list and the sneak-peeks that I just had to read the book to bide my time until the film was released. And I was not disappointed … too badly.

The Vampires Assistant by Darren Shan is the second book in this series so I supposed you should get a quick synopsis of the first book, right? In Cirque du Freak: The Saga of Darren Shan, Darren and his friend, Steve, visit a traveling freak show. Eventually, Darren finds himself in a position where he must sacrifice his mortality in order to save the life of his friend. To do this successfully, Darren must become a half vampire, fake his own death, and be buried alive. HEELLL NO! When he emerges he realizes the extent of what his life has become and how he must count on his guardian, Mr. Crepsley, a full-vampire, as his only companion and teacher for the remainder of his existence. He is totally devastated, and completely resents the older, wiser vamp for causing his “condition”.

In the The Vampires Assistant, Darren has a lot to learn about what he has become and how to live with it. Unfortunately, Mr. Crepsley is the only one able to teach him. After a short stint on the road and away from the Freak show, they realize that “home is where the heart is” and return. Darren finds that there really is a lot to learn and many myths to be disproved about his new status. One thing that he is having trouble complying with is drinking human blood. Death is not instantaneous if he refuses this imposition but it is eminent. Slow, but definitely eminent.

This short read is packed with a plethora of interesting characters who find themselves in many fascinating situations. It is a Freak Show, after all! There is a Bearded Lady, a Wolfman, a Snakeboy, and much, much, more. This new, strange world is old hat to the Freak Show residents and so becomes the norm for Darren as well. He finds a true friend in the Snakeboy, Evra Von and together they find themselves working as a team and escaping various thrilling adventures unscathed.

There are twelve books in the series and they are all labeled as being in the “young adult” genre. The same genre as Twilight so I thought I was safe. However, in my opinion, these books are meant for a much younger audience. I would say 10 to 13 yos would get the most enjoyment out of them. That being said, I can completely get behind the idea of making this book into a movie! The characters and their exploits promise to draw a huge audience. I’m giving the book 3 outta 5 pumps, taking two away for under-achieving its potential in the young adult genre; but still, I express my excitement for its potential on the big screen.

Halloween has always been my very favorite holiday ever since I can remember. Not the gory / monster part but the ghostly / cemetery part is how I explain it to people. There is just something about the possibilities of ghosts roaming the earth on that one special night that just gets my heart pumping and my imagination soaring. The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman gave me butterflies like Halloween was just around the corner. Please understand up front that this book targets an audience of 4th to 8th grade readers but carries great weight & depth; a story that anyone can enjoy. So there is absolutely no hanky-panky, people!

This novel opens with a pretty macabre event. A family is massacred off-screen and the killer searches for the sole remaining family member to complete his gruesome task. The toddler he seeks has wandered out of the house, up the hill, to an old graveyard and into the protective hands of its residents. The babe is given the name Nobody Owens (Bod for short) by his ghostly adoptive mother, Mistress Owens, and is granted the “Freedom of the Graveyard.” This status enables Bod to execute various tricks of the dead like fading and dream-walking. Just give me one day with those little tricks and Diabolical Piper would RULE THE WORLD BABY!

Bod experiences the pains and thrills of growing up through a string of otherworldly adventures. As a result, he discovers various life lessons through his interactions with a treasure-trove of descriptive and beloved characters from various historical periods. These characters include an impish witch, a melodramatic poet, a roman leader, and a shadowy nocturnal guardian (who I suspect to be a vampire but can’t be sure) just to name a few. Readers are first introduced to each ghost through their clever epitaphs engraved on their headstones. This will certainly get you thinking about what might be on your own headstone! Hmm… “Piper Grey – 19(blah-dee-blah) to 20(someday) – Rawkin the Afterlife in Pink Sequins!” Whadayathink??

The villains in this gothic fantasy are all a bit sketchy and vague. One version of the ‘bad guy’ is a coiling, 3 headed serpentine called The Sleer and is the oldest thing in the cemetery. Imprisoned in its tomb, it guards a small treasure and fruitlessly waits for a master to protect. We never get to the history of the creature, the treasure, or the missing master. Another type of villain belongs to an ancient order whose members names are puns off of the name “Jack” but not much else is explained about them.

Although this novel is dark at times, the overall message it delivers is one of self-discovery and overcoming fears of experiencing life. Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book is a 5 pumper in this Vixen’s opinion. This coming of age story of Nobody Owens has the potential to become a classic…. and would create delight in graveyards everywhere if it were to make its way to the big screen. Here’s hoping!

I am a fan of Monte Python and British comedy in general so loving this book came naturally to me! Good Omens, The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Terry Pratchett (Discworld Series) and Neil Gaiman (Sandman & Coraline) boasts some laugh-out-loud antics around the final days of mankind. Well, I laughed out loud anyway! It’s a wacky story with an abundance of very interesting and comical characters that readers become completely infatuated with. The countdown to the Apocalypse begins with the confused birth and subsequent misplacing of the Anti-Christ (ironically named Adam). What takes place thereafter is a whacky unfortunate mess of what the very detailed and calculated end of the world isn’t supposed to be. But it would be much more fun if it looked like what Gaiman and Pratchett envisioned in this funny-as-hell read!

The authors’ personifications of good and evil come in the forms of Crowley (a mischievous demon) and Aziraphale (a persnickety angel). These two are not looking forward to the coming of The End and decide to collaborate to outwit Armageddon. When their plan to pull the ole switch-a-roo on the Anti-Christ infant goes awry, they stumble over Anathema Device, Witch, and a book written by her ancestor. This book holds the most accurate prophesies ever written (in riddle form, mind you) and could hold the answers to stopping Armageddon. What ensues is a mass of colorful characters sputtering their way to end of mankind to fulfill their destinies. Dare I say, “All Hell breaks loose!“ Trees take over shopping malls, rain comes in the form of fish falling from the sky, and Alien police pull people over and chastise them for what they’ve done to the planet, just to name a few odd happenings.

Once Adam, The Spawn, turns 11 our cast begins a race to Tadfield, a quintessential English village and the place where the war of all wars will begin. He’s been a normal kid until now but he begins to feel differently and sees things in a new light. His friends begin to see him differently as well. Once everyone has gathered, the pinnacle moment takes place as the Metatron (voice of God) and Beelzebub (voice of Satan) meet with Adam and discuss the logic of “the end”. What comes about is a great surprise for such a funny book. Very poignant indeed. But you won’t get details from me! You’ll have to read it to believe it.

As I rate this book, I’m reminded of an Oscar Wilde quote, “We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language.“ There isn’t a truer statement that nails this book down. The humor is certainly British and sometimes very “inside England’s borders” if you know what I mean. Other than that, hilarious footnotes, tons-o-puns, and ironic illusions make this book a winner in my eyes! I give it 4 outta 5 pumps.

I’m already a sucker for a good historical romance, but when you throw a little ‘supah-natural’ in the mix, I’m in Heaven! And that, my friends, is where Laura Whitcomb’s The Fetch enters my world. Her enlightened vision of the afterlife follows Calder, a Fetch, whose sole job is to comfort the dying and act as a guide to assist them through their death doors into Heaven. This book is beautifully written and weaves around the tragic story of the end of the Romanov Dynasty during the Russian Revolution of 1917. The mystery that is specifically addressed is, “What happened to the remains of the Tsar Nicholas’ two youngest children, Anastasia and Alexis (Alexei), after the entire family was massacred?”

The plot to this tale gradually reveals itself as the very lonely Calder breaks his sacred Fetch vows by becoming obsessed with a beautiful woman he finds at an infant’s (Alexis Romanov’s) death scene. In order to pursue this woman, Calder breaks into the human world by taking over the dying body of the Romanov family’s mystic healer, Grigori Rasputin. This transition leaves a massive rupture between the worlds that can only be mended by a missing key. Accompanied by the embodied spirits of Anastasia and Alexis, Calder embarks on a long, really long, long journey to find the key. Along the way, they are pursued by Rasputin’s spirit and a whole host of malicious lost souls. But still, the overall voyage tends to be, ah – what’s the word? Oh, yeah… “LONG!” Though, in the end, it proves completely necessary to allow for Calder’s own self-discovery.

Romance creeps slowly into the story-line between Calder and Anastasia. And I do mean ‘creeps’. When Calder dies, he is a 19 year old young man and that is how Anastasia sees him as well; even after he takes over Rasputin’s body. It really is hard to get past this fact when THE WORLD is witnessing a beat up 44 year old mystic falling for a 17 year old girl. Am I wrong here or is “Statutory Rape” not considered illegal in most, if not all, of the known free world? Call me closed-minded but I just couldn’t get past that detail, especially when Calder thought about kissing her or holding her hand. CREEPY!

This would be a great discussion book as it certainly gets readers thinking about Heaven, the afterlife, and the nature of “sin and forgiveness;” so I am giving it 4 outta 5 pumps. Although the plot gets slow at times, Whitcomb’s descriptions of an afterlife are exceptional and well thought-out while the characters are real, introspective, and full of life. Plus the ending will leave you hoping for a happily ever after for The Fetch. It’s come to pass that the remains of missing Romanov children were found in 2007 and DNA testing proved their identities but still … the mystery and speculation surrounding this tragic tale lends it the potential to be a story for the ages!

Can I say how incredibly excited I was to read Bram Stoker’s Dracula? It is the literary work of art that started it all! There would be no Twilight or Edward Cullen without the Grand Pubah that is Dracula! I am grateful to its existence for that reason and believe it deserves a high level of respect for never going out of print since its debut in 1897! 112 years of longevity, baby! Oww! However, I found myself conflicted between the longing I’ve always had for the more romantic and simple era and my modern expectations of what a horror story should be.

The seven main characters in Dracula, minus its namesake, form a union to eradicate the evil that is the ‘undead’ and all that it has infected, to include England. After a young and beautiful acquaintance of theirs is struck down with a strange blood disorder, or so it’s believed to be, they make this their sole mission. The two most distinctive characters were Dracula and the mentor-hero, Dr. Abraham VanHelsing. These are the only characters that Stoker takes the time to give detailed physical descriptions of! He even bestows his own first name to the good doctor. After much research, Dracula’s character emerges out of the history books and is brought back to life based on a real fifteenth century Wallacian warrior prince, aka “Vlad the Impaler.” So Drac’s not from Transylvania, people! Stick that in your Trivial Pursuit and sit on it!

If you consider yourself a bit of a ‘Nosey Nelly’ and would just love to get your hands on your neighbors mail or your daughters diary, you will love the fact that this entire novel is written in the form of personal documents ranging from journal entries, to news articles, to even telegrams. This form of writing does chronologically jump around, but also gives you various characters perspectives of the story line.

There are many editions of this book in print. I read the version that includes a Foreword by Elizabeth Kostova, author of The Historian. She drew inspiration from Bram Stoker’s Dracula in writing her novel and I was convinced of her deep love for this story. It was extremely interesting to read her interpretation of Stoker’s thinking behind his writings and how it may have all tied into his own life experiences. The Foreword may have actually been my favorite part of this book!

I give Dracula Three, Three Vixen Pumps! AH AH AH AH! (Okay, bad “Count from Sesame Street” impression, just couldn’t let THAT opportunity pass me by?) I have to take one pump away for the lack of suspense. Back in the late 19th Century, readers considered this novel overly suspenseful but it just doesn’t measure up with today’s expectations of the genre. I took another pump away for the difficulty in reading the various European accents (albeit, comical at times) and English dialect that was common in Victorian England.

Wow, I’m still dizzy and reeling from the extremely exciting roller coaster ride also known as The Host, A Novel by Stephenie Meyer. Her first attempt at a made for adults tale follows a very different story line than her super successful Twilight Saga; though it holds a similar romantic draw. This science fiction-slash-thriller-slash-romance tale is about the last cell of wild humans surviving on an Earth that has been taken over by parasitic but peaceful and dispassionate alien “Souls.” They are surgically implanted into their human host bodies, completely erasing the original owners from existence. Or at least that’s the plan.

Melanie Stryder is one tough cookie in that she’s not going to award her invader, Wanderer, a peaceful takeover. My kind of girl! Melanie is the epitome of why the human species is the dominating force on this planet and she fulfills that role through her vengeful hatred of the beings that have overthrown the human species. But as this beautifully crafted story comes to pass, her fight evolves from pure hatred into an inner struggle to not accept Wanderer’s presence. Eventually she realizes she really doesn’t have a choice and with every little bit of acceptance, the barriers of hatred start to crumble. Mel begins developing sister-like feelings for her. Could she be growing compassionate for the enemy? Is she a traitor to her human family?

If you’ve read the Twilight Saga and are going through serious withdrawals from Edward Cullen, then you will definitely want to meet Jared. The hot and rugged human survivalist who is devastated at the loss of Melanie, his one true love. He is conflicted with the love he still feels for the body of his former mate but is painfully aware that he is no longer able to trust her. Mr. Jared is raw and full of hatred at first which definitely leads us to consider his potential for the most harsh, even rough, love scenes therein. But, as is with Stephenie Meyers, those love scenes never come completely full circle. I just took it as an opportunity to exercise my imagination skills and find the optimal version of my very own satisfying conclusion to these teasers.

This blend of science fiction and “pull at your heart-strings” tragic romance will draw some serious emotions out of you. Emotions like love, lust, fear, despair and utter devastation with a smidge of hope and optimism thrown in for good measure. Make sure you have ample Kleenex and eye drops available before you get into the last 150 pages where true love and self sacrifice are the theme. I swear my eyes are still swollen. I was going to give this novel 5 pumps but I’m inclined to take one away for the blatant contradiction of the story’s moral during the last 30 pages. However I’m inclined to forgive half a pump after polishing off the last three. End score: 4.5 outta 5 pumps – definitely a page turner!

Really, Stephenie Meyer? A “remarkable debut”? I can’t for the life of me figure out how such a brilliant author, could call Wings by Aprilynne Pike a “remarkable debut”. Stephenie goes on to comment “…the ingenuity of the mythology is matched only by the startling loveliness with which the story unfolds.” Okay, that statement is so over-thought, it’s not really a solid statement is it? Probably just an attempt to be kind to her fellow Mormon’s “astonishingly dull” debut. That’s Piper Grey’s quote!

The first three quarters of this book were agonizing to get through! This book is about a “perfect” 15 year old teenager, Laurel, who was found on the doorstep of her adoptive parents home when she was a toddler; was home schooled until they had to move to ensure the families financial security and starts public school as a sophomore…..a “perfect” sophomore who struggles with her perfection. Did I mention that she’s perfect? Seriously! I find it hilarious that the moral of this story was “everyone struggles…even the teenage hotties”!

The ridiculousness of this story grows, as Laurel eventually undergoes a drastic physical change that results in a perfect flower sprouting from her back. Surprise! It’s not wings! Of course this discovery leads to the revelation that Laurel is a fairy. This sounds like an interesting concept, however, the way it’s delivered is seriously boring and tedious! I gave this book to an 11 year old to read after I was finished and I swear she actually said to me: “So far this is the most boring book I’ve ever read.” And she is a booklover! Okay, I admit, she’s a brilliant 11 year old ……. with great taste in books.

Another thing that I wasn’t too enthused about was that the main character, Laurel, embodies the ‘vision of perfection’ that teenage girls everywhere develop self esteem issues trying to achieve. Who could feel good about giving young impressionable girls another “perfect” idol they could never live up to? I am not a feminist by any means but messing with our blossoming vixens developing psyche in this way is unforgivable. Instead of burning our bras, maybe we should take every copy of this book off the shelves and make some good old fashioned compost! Maybe then this world would see some benefit of its existence!

I must admit that the last 80 pages or so (of this 300 pager) were somewhat exciting and eventful. The author introduces trolls into the mix; big slimy smelly grotesque trolls that were the most appealing part of the story! Nevertheless, the fact that trolls were needed to peak my interest speaks volumes about the agonizingly dull plot.

Even though Wings was written for a younger audience, I felt that it was poorly done. I was seriously open-minded to the young-adult genre when I opened this book due to the outstanding review from Stephenie Meyer. It was a serious disappointment! Sorry Steph, but Young Adult is no longer my favorite flavor. 1 outta 5 pumps for this clod hopper ‘fairy’ tale!